Boat, Beer, Boobs - Private Bucks Cruise!
Bucks mission brief
Picture the buck's face when he clocks the boat's yours for the arvo, a topless bombshell waiting at the gangway, and a beer in his hand before he's found his sea legs. This is the whole vessel booked out for your crew, city sliding past, her cracking cold ones and saving the special treatment for the man of the hour. You bring the slab, we've sorted the esky, the ice, the wharf fees and the captain, so the only call left is how many you're grabbing from the Church of Dan on the way. Stroll down the wharf, step aboard, and let the boys spend all week working out how you pulled this off.
Game Plan
$149.00 per person, with a minimum of 15 attendees.
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All of your package customisations will show up right here!There's a specific grin a bloke does when he strolls down a wharf, slab under his arm, and spots a topless bombshell waiting at the gangway of a boat that's his for the afternoon. Boat, Beer, Boobs exists to put that grin on the buck's face. The whole vessel's booked out for your crew and nobody else, and it's the most Melbourne send-off there is: no ringing round every charter in the city and copping the "sorry, no bucks groups" knock-back, no turning up to find you're sharing the deck with somebody's nan and a birthday cake. It's yours, and the hardest job you've got is deciding what to bring aboard.
You step on and there's a beer in your hand before you've properly got both feet on the deck. She pulls away from Southbank, the skyline starts sliding past, and this is where it clicks that the whole lot is handled: wharf fees paid, esky packed with ice, an experienced captain up top keeping it smooth and iceberg-free, nothing to sort and nothing to pay at the ramp. She's fully BYO, so you've made the one sacred stop on the way, a quick pilgrimage to the Church of Dan, and everything else is already done.
Then the reveal. Your private topless waitress is aboard for the full couple of hours, cracking beers for the lads, running the bevs around the deck and saving the special attention for the man of the hour, obviously. She's not just there for the view, either: she'll pull off more tricks with a bottle cap than the boys knew were physically possible, and the buck will be grinning like a man who's temporarily lost all memory of the wedding. The Yarra puts on a proper show off both sides of the boat, not that a single bloke aboard is looking at the skyline.
Here's the part that actually holds it up. The boat's ours, the waitress is ours, the whole thing is ours. Getting any boat in Melbourne to take a bucks crew is slim pickings, which is exactly why most groups never get near a day like this, but we built her to party and she's booked out for you. There's no stranger arranged online who might ghost you on the day, no charter company getting cold feet about a boatload of blokes. She's aboard because it's our boat and our crew, same as you.
And you? You spent the whole thing in it, beer in hand, in the photos instead of on the phone begging a charter to take your booking. Somewhere between the wharf and the toast the boys twig that you're the reason any of this happened, and the credit lands on you without you having to say a word.
Here's the thing though: we've got one My Ultimate Bucks boat, and Boat, Beer, Boobs runs once a session, one crew every Saturday. Once she's booked, she's booked, and the good Saturdays go early. Check your date before another crew's best man casts off with it first.