How to NOT Invite People to a Buck's Party
It can be tricky to invite some people to an important party, like a buck’s party, but then not invite some other people. We know we’re not the only people who’ve had this experience, which can be a seriously awkward one if you do it wrong. So we’ve had a look around and conducted extensive interviews with just-graduated schoolies, tupperware mums, various human resource departments, and NASA, to find a few methods of doing this the right way. “What is the right way?” you may ask, well, it’s about minimising awkwardness and resentment, but making that person feel valued and preserving the relationship the buck has with them. As the best man and the lucky bloke who’s getting to plan his best friend’s party, it’ll be up to you to make the hard calls and potentially embody the grand tradition of being a human meat shield.
Straight Up Tell Them
This one sounds less delicate than it could be, but remember this needs to be refined situationally by yourself. Anyway, this tactic should usually be used if someone has asked you why they weren’t invited, you can either lie or you can tell them it’s just because you didn't want them there, but then there’s hurt feelings. Handle this with firmness and maybe even fairness, tell them that you were keeping it small or only those people close to the bucks were coming. There’s plenty of reasons you can come up with and use, the key is to actually communicate this to the offended party to avoid any tension simmering. It can be a big deal for people who thought they were best friends with the buck not being invited to their party, so keep a watch out for these people and make sure your reasoning is clear and foolproof.
Redirection
This one is better with a grain of truth, or even a grain of truth that never eventuates. A good example is the split party system, which might look something like having an activity filled day, followed by a large general part at the house, followed by a few people are staying with the buck at a hotel room to go clubbing, but everyone else is welcome to find their own way there, or any variation where there’s multiple events or groups of people. In this scenario you can tell people the reason they weren’t invited to X event is because of numbers and that Y event is also happening and either 1) they are invited or 2) you’re welcome to come by if you’d like. This can save a few hurt feelings as people are included anyway, they’re given an opportunity to join in, even if it's not in certain events. You can also plan something similar and say that the big house party will be a week after the bucks, and then even have it or not.
Use the Best Man
This is primarily an excuse for the buck. As the man of the hour you'll know who you want at your party, and usually its restricted to people that you like. There’s also other people that can be invited because they’re a raging good time, but sometimes as much as you like someone they’re not fit for your party. This can include the people you work with and enjoy on a personal basis but find them a little bit of a damper at the part. Or, in a case of the old switcheroo, maybe they’re quiet but great in person, and a little too much on a night out. Whatever the reason you as the buck don’t particularly want a person there you can always blame the best man. We advise this with kindness- the best man is the one who’s organising the party, and your excuse as the buck might be “He said he’d handle it, I’m sorry you weren’t invited but I didn’t organise it, my best man did.” A perfectly valid excuse, but if the best man, this person, and the buck all know each other you might want to look at the other items on this list.
Use the Buck
Conversely, this one is more for the best man and goes hand in hand with the above, especially if it's a surprise party. If there’s someone asking why they weren’t invited the buck can always fall back on either “It was a surprise party for me and the best man organised it so I didn;t have any say”, or the best man can go with “The buck gave me a shortlist and I’m sorry but I didn’t know you were such a close work colleague/pub mate/nan”. Either way, as best man, it’s your job to plan the party and make sure it’s the best party of the buck’s life, so sometimes you’ll just have to cop the blame, but at the end of the day you might barely know this person, and if they buck is having a great time, well what’s it to you.
Numbers
A classic example of using a third party as an excuse not to invite someone, this time it’s a venue. Got someone or a few people asking why they weren’t invited? Hit them with the ol’ “the venue was only booked for x amount”, or better yet “We could only have X amount of people at the venue”, a subtle difference but changes the blame entirely. If you’re booking through a packaged-deal company then you can always talk about their head count cap as well, either way “by the numbers” can be a life- and feelings-saver. This of course, can be completely true, sometimes it’s an unfortunate but necessary fact that attendee limits are there, maybe there’s a certain number of seats on the boat or in the tour. There’s no shame in this one as everyone understands you gotta do what you gotta do.
So there you have it! Whilst some may consider this a dishonest article, we find it’s more about being human. Of course, as a best man, you’re welcome to bulldoze your way through and simply tell everyone that you’ve curated the guest list for the buck’s enjoyment and the reason you weren’t invited is because you wouldn’t fit the vibe, but we feel this may be a bit too on the nose for some people and can ruin a few relationships.